Odd "Man" Out

I’ve always been the odd one in my family (i.e. uncles, cousins, mother, father).  Not odd as in weird but odd in the classic sense, different.  Kind of a black sheep of sorts.  I never had a rebellious stage, as almost all children do.  Though, I did have my fair share of times I was convinced that my parents were too far removed from their youth and couldn’t possibly know what they were talking about.  I never was a partier or fighter, liked drinking or smoking (though I did try both often at a tender age) or--gasp--drugs like most of my family.  I got decent grades but always had to try really hard for “just better than ok”--some A’s and mostly B’s.  My family, for the most part, except my parents, are incredibly smart but only applied enough to pass.  And with the exception of my mother and sister, who are both currently working toward Master’s degrees in their respective fields, have been the only one to achieve a lifelong dream.

Here is where the biggest oddity comes along.  My life goal has always been to have a happy, healthy marriage, be a mommy and homemaker.

The old adages of barefoot and pregnant, a baby on the hip and one on the way, and the image of several young children playing in the yard while I’m in the kitchen making bread have always given me warm fuzzy feelings, instead of the offensive and restrictive ones that most women experience if those terms are directed at them or toward their sex.  Being called “Suzy Homemaker” is more of a compliment than the put down that it’s usually used as.

Being the oldest child in a family of addicts and need based work-aholics, I whole heartedly embraced my role as pleaser, fixer, nurse, little mommy and occasional cook.  I very much enjoyed making my mom smile at my “look Mommy I cleaned the house” declarations when she would come home from work.  Though, I’m sure that my mother’s smiles were more at the heart of the attempt than at the actual outcome of my efforts.  I have seen how well a 4, 6, or 8 year old actually cleans.  

My mom recalls that from when I could walk or even crawl that I’ve loved babies and have had a “way” with the littles.  As I’ve grown, I’ve had interests and passions in many areas but my heart continually comes back to this.

I can distinctly remember being in 7th or 8th grade and telling my mom that if I could do anything I ever wanted it would be to get married and have kids.  Her response?  “Why would you want to waste your talent and intelligence on that?”  I understand, now, where she was coming from.  Being born in the mid-60’s she grew up through the 70’s and 80’s when women were just beginning to exert and discover what it meant to have it really acceptable to be something other than a wife and mother.  A time when being intelligent, powerful, beautiful, having an opinion and being sexy were still things that were rebellious.  So, I began my search for a carrier.  Area after area, focus after focus I researched and started learning about only to find a lack luster heart for that particular avenue with only a glimmer of continued interest in photography.

Then I met my husband.  And in a whirlwind romance and God-ordained timing got married and was very promptly pregnant with our beautiful honeymoon baby, Lily.  

It was shortly after having her that I began to have a revelation.  I could be all the things that I wanted and that my mother had wanted for me.  I could be intelligent, powerful, beautiful, have an opinion, be sexy and be a homemaker.  No longer do women who choose to pour their power, intelligence, passion and opinions into their homes have to hide in the closet behind June Cleaver.

It is my sincere hope and prayer that both of my daughters and any I have to come, will pursue their hopes and dreams, what ever form they may come in, with all the intelligence, power, beauty and opinions that they have in them!